My Testimony By Susan Smith

Praise God! I thank God for my life! I thank God that He Word is life! Thank God that Greater is He who Is in me, than he who is in the world. This has been a year that there's just one truth I needed to know, that God loves me. That love surrounds me and death, life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers... NOTHING can separate me from the love of my God. (Rom. 8:38) As that love became revelation to my spirit, absolute trust was born.

January of 99 I collapsed in the church parking lot. I had never known intense pain as this. I had been to the doctor prior to this but I was told nothing was wrong. I stayed in bed for over a week. The end of January again I collapsed in pain. The doctors again couldn't find anything but decided to run some test. During the test a tumor was found by my ovaries. Immediately a spirit of fear came upon me. I couldn't think, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Satan would scream in my ear "you're going to die! You have cancer and you're going to die." You see my father, grandfather, and great grandfather all died of cancer and Satan wanted me to buy the lie that I too would die of cancer.
At that point Carl and I called Pastors Gary and Jan and they prayed with us. A "PEACE" that passes all understanding (Phil 4:7) came upon us. God was preparing us for the battle for my life. The weapons of that battle was Worship, and the Word.

March 2nd I had major surgery where a softball size tumor that was cancer was removed. My heart went into arrhythmia and a cardiologist was called in. As they were giving me morphine for the pain, I began to have an allergic reaction. The week I was in the hospital I was numb. I couldn't pray. I really don't know why. All I could do was put my headphones on and listen to faith filled music and worship. God brought it to my remembrance that for months He had been teaching me about worship and bringing me to a higher level. I didn't know He was preparing me for this trial.

Another weapon God gave us was laughter. We watched Jesse Duplantis tapes, Jerry Lewis, anything that made us laugh. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine (Proverbs 17:22). Carl and I laughed so much we actually had a surgeon tell us that "it's okay to cry". I assured him I would when it was time. We also were very careful to only have positive, happy people who believed in God's word around us.

I had to have a port catheter put in my chest and the tube is hooked to your jugular vein so the chemo doesn't burn up the veins in your arm. It was a simple out-patient surgery, but they accidentally nicked my lung and my lung collapsed. For the second time they put me in the hospital. I was released a few days later to take my first chemo treatment.

It had been three weeks since they had discovered the cancer and my first chemo and I still could not pray, only worship. I was starting to feel condemnation for my prayer life. I finally went to God to repent and He gave me a revelation. He said "when you pray about you and your problem you are focusing on you. I want you to worship me. Focus on me. Tell me you love me, pour out you alabaster box, magnify me, tell me I'm wonderful! Worship me and I will raise up intercessors on your behalf. They will pray for your healing and that your faith will not fail you as you walk through this fire." I want you to know He is God! God is able to raise up a mother in China to intercede on your behalf if He wants to! I was not to pray for me but just focus on worshipping God and interceding for others.

Two weeks after my first chemotherapy I ended up back in the hospital with a bowel blockage. It was also decided my collapsed lung was getting worse. I was taken off all my pain medication because they didn't know what was causing me to be sick. Only then I realized I couldn't breath properly and how painful it really was! Every breath was laborious. They put a chest tube in my lung, to do that they had to make an incision under my right arm. When I awoke I realized I couldn't move my right arm at all, I had lost use of my arm! The next few days I had a little machine to exercise my lungs, but I really couldn't get the ball to move but a few lines. On the fifth day in the hospital I had two friends visiting me. They had sit me in a high back chair so I could breath a little easier. My mother had called me on the phone but each word had to be accompanied by a short raspy breath. About that time on my lung and under arm I felt this intense heat-pain like a branding iron. The pain was overwhelming me. I remember thinking I couldn't give myself enough pain medicine to make this go away. I told my mom I needed to get off the phone. As I sat in the chair I could feel life going out of my body. I began to sink farther and farther in my chair. My friends got up, laid hands on me and began to pray. I don't know how long they prayed, but all of a sudden I remember thinking "hey there's no pain!" I heard the Holy Spirit say "Breath". I took a little breath and thought "that didn't hurt". I took a deeper breath and thought "that didn't hurt". Then I took a HUGE breath and I jumped out of the chair and began yelling "I'M HEALED, I'M HEALED". I took my lung exerciser and blew the ball almost to the top! I threw my hands into the air to praise God and realized I could use my arm!

That moment faith in God's healing power was released in me. God has shown me He is a sovereign God. His word promises "by Jesus' stripes we are healed" (Isa. 53:5). But it's God's decision how He heals us. It's not super faith that get miraculous healing. It's God's sovereign will if we're healed through doctors, nutrition, or a miracle.

GOD IS ABLE AND HE IS WILLING TO HEAL!

At this point God began to teach me about His sovereign will. That He loves me and He is in control of my life. I know I could take this disappointment and give it to God, so He could use it and mold me into the image of His dear Son (Rom. 8:29). But I had to make a decision. I could have felt very sorry for myself or be bitter at God for allowing it or I could allow God to strengthen me through it. It's a decision. I could be pitiful or powerful.

There were times my mind would come under attack. I would cry as doubt and fear would scream at me. As tears flowed down my face the Holy Spirit would urge me not to speak unbelief but Speak The Word. I would say "Father I'm afraid and I feel so alone but I know your Word says "Fear not; for I am with you; be not dismayed; for I am you God: I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with the right hand of My righteousness." (Isa. 41:10) You love me and nothing can separate me from that love. I do not understand this BUT I trust you.

I stand before you in Victory! I didn't do everything right. But God doesn't require it. He requires only that we trust Him alone. That there's one truth we need to know, He Loves Us and that love surrounds us. When darkness comes it won't overwhelm our soul because GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!!!!

If you would like to e-mail Susan and let her know how God has touched you through her testimony, you can e-mail her at:church@livingwatersmuncie.org